Shocking! The Crow Remake Bombs – Too Much Muck, Not Enough Myth!

Urban dystopia films, saturated with rain and blood, often evoke more of a sense of tourism fascination rather than fear for the future. It’s high time amusement parks capitalized on this and created something like “The Blade Runner Experience” to shatter previous attendance records.

Back in 1994, Alex Proyas’ “The Crow,” inspired by James O’Barr’s graphic novel, played on this allure, masterfully weaving a dark vengeance tale in a decaying Detroit with the flair of a grotesque circus. However, as our cinematic landscape overflows with dystopian narratives, we’ve lost this immersive spectacle. A prime example of this is the dull and uninspiring reinterpretation of O’Barr’s story, also named “The Crow,” now helmed by Rupert Sanders. It feels more like a protest against entertainment.

In this iteration, Bill Skarsgård plays our revenant hero. However, before he can don the iconic black eye paint and fulfil his crow-fueled destiny, we endure an excessive amount of time with a despondent Eric, a loner haunted by the loss of his childhood horse (indeed). He spends his days in a remote rehab facility with a strangely pastel pink dress code, where he meets Shelly (FKA twigs), a musician with her own issues, as she’s being targeted by killers. Detecting his brooding sensitivity, she pierces his tough exterior, and Eric, captivated and defensive, reciprocates by orchestrating their escape.

Their secluded paradise is disrupted when Shelly’s supernaturally wicked patron Mr. Roeg’s (Danny Huston) henchmen track them down, killing them both. Eric, however, reawakens in a deserted railway yard filled with crows, a grim place where a middle-aged guide (Sami Bouajila) informs him he can save Shelly from hell if he lets his fury loose. On the bright side, he is now invincible; the downside for us is that there’s a lack of tension, and it takes over an hour before any revenge ensues.

By the time the monotonous gray hues of Steve Annis’ cinematography and Robin Brown’s production design have numbed your senses, you’ll be craving some action and the potential of a samurai sword. For those with a taste for destruction, the film’s opera-house sequence might satisfy (though not exceed expectations), but the aspect where invincible Eric can still feel pain — a trait Brandon Lee portrayed so convincingly — is barely touched upon.

The love story supposedly driving all this bloodshed is hardly gripping, and the reason behind Shelly’s murder is even less compelling. As far as we know, Eric’s vengeance could be as much about his deceased horse as about Shelly, a poorly developed character that neither enhances nor harms twigs’ reputation as a captivating multidisciplinary artist. Huston’s villainous portrayal won’t be affected either, although a shot showing him closing his eyes — presumably in a moment of monstrous pleasure — might just be him yearning for better roles.

Skarsgård, a skilled actor with a striking physical presence and haunting gaze, is the one who should be concerned. Still stuck in the star-making stage following his “It” breakout success and hampered by a lackluster script by Zach Baylin and William Schneider, Skarsgård appears as lost as Eric before his transformation, unable to summon the needed mythical power. Despite the high mortality rate, consider this a massacre of “The Crow.”